How do I help a child who says they hate themselves?

If your child is in immediate danger, has seriously harmed themselves or taken an overdose, or cannot be kept safe, call 999 or go to A&E. For urgent mental-health help, use the NHS urgent route for your part of the UK. In England, call 111 and select the mental-health option. A child under 19 can contact Childline free on 0800 1111.

When a child says "I hate myself," a parent may rush to say it is not true. Another may decide it is anger after a hard day. Neither response tells you whether the child is safe.

Take the words seriously. Stay calm enough to find out what they mean.

Begin with what happened

Move away from the argument, homework or public setting where possible. Use few words:

I heard you. What happened just before you felt this?

Is this about something today, or have you been feeling it for a while?

Do not decide that the statement is a common part of ADHD, autism or rejection sensitivity. A neurodivergent child can be frustrated, ashamed, depressed, suicidal or several of these. Their diagnosis does not interpret the sentence for you.

If they cannot explain, stay nearby and reduce demands. Writing, messaging or choosing from simple options may be easier than speaking.

Ask directly about safety

If a child says they hate themselves, want to disappear, are a burden or cannot go on, ask plainly:

Have you been thinking about hurting yourself?

Have you been thinking that you do not want to be alive?

If they say yes, ask whether they have a plan, when they might act and whether they can reach anything they could use. These questions are not an interrogation. They help you give accurate information to urgent services.

NHS guidance advises taking suicidal statements seriously, listening without judgement and asking open questions ^[2]. Do not promise secrecy. Say:

I will not tell people who do not need to know. I do need to get help to keep you safe, and I will tell you what I am doing.

If there is immediate danger

Stay with the child. Move medicines, weapons and other identified means out of reach if you can do so safely. Do not rely on a promise that they will not act.

Call 999 or go to A&E if life is at risk, there is serious injury or overdose, or the child cannot be kept safe ^[1]. If you cannot transport them safely, tell the emergency service.

Urgent mental-health routes differ across the UK. The NHS England route is 111, selecting the mental-health option ^[1]. Use NHS 24 in Scotland, NHS 111 Wales or the appropriate Health and Social Care Northern Ireland crisis route where you live. If unsure, 111 can direct urgent care in the nations where it operates; 999 remains the emergency number throughout the UK.

If there is no immediate plan

No plan does not mean no help is needed. Contact the child's GP or current mental-health team when self-hating talk persists, returns, or sits alongside:

• hopelessness or feeling like a burden;
• withdrawal from people or activities;
• marked change in sleep, eating, attendance or self-care;
• self-harm or searching for methods;
• giving possessions away or saying goodbye;
• severe agitation, panic or unusual calm after intense distress; or
• a recent loss, humiliation, bullying or frightening event.

Tell the professional the child's exact words, when they began, what has changed and what the child said about self-harm, suicide, plan and access. You do not need to diagnose the problem before asking for help.

Respond to the feeling without confirming the judgement

Once immediate safety is addressed, return to the event:

You felt ashamed when the teacher corrected you in front of everyone. That was painful. It does not make you a hateful person. We need to deal with what happened and how school responds next time.

Avoid a long list of qualities. In intense distress, broad praise can sound like evidence that the parent has not understood. Use one grounded sentence and stay present.

Later, work on the pattern that keeps producing shame. The guide to rebuilding confidence after repeated criticism covers adult repair, accessible success and school change. That longer work sits alongside mental-health care; it does not replace it.

Make a short plan for the next hours

Agree:

• which adult will stay available;
• which demands can wait;
• what environment feels safer;
• which means need to be secured;
• who is being contacted and when; and
• what the child can do if the feeling rises again.

Keep the plan concrete. "Tell me if it gets worse" may be too hard. Use an agreed word, message, card or movement to another room.

Childline offers free, confidential support for people under 19 by telephone on 0800 1111 and online routes ^[3]. A helpline can sit alongside family and professional support. It is not a substitute for emergency care when danger is immediate.

You do not have to decide whether the sentence was serious enough. Ask, listen and use the answer to bring in the right help. Calm attention protects the child better than either panic or reassurance that closes the conversation.

Sources and further reading

1. [1] NHS. Where to get urgent help for mental health (accessed 4 August 2026).
2. [2] NHS. Help for suicidal thoughts (accessed 4 August 2026).
3. [3] Childline. Contacting Childline (accessed 4 August 2026).