What to say to school when my child cannot attend

When school is expecting an answer and your child cannot attend, it is easy to write too much or too little. You do not need to diagnose the problem in the morning message. You need to tell school what has happened, share anything immediately relevant and open a route to the next decision.

Use the school's normal absence route

Notify school promptly through the channel it asks families to use. If the issue also needs a particular member of staff, copy them or ask reception to pass the message on. Keep a copy and note the time.

Start with the observable sequence:

My child is having difficulty attending today. They dressed and travelled to school but could not leave the car at the main entrance. They say the crowded corridor is the difficult part.

That is more useful than "refusing again" or "having an EBSA episode." It says what your child managed and where the route stopped.

Put health and safety first

If your child is ill, in pain or unsafe, say so and use the appropriate health or safeguarding route. Do not share a full medical history in a routine absence message. Give the information school needs now and say when further information will follow.

For example:

R has a fever and will not attend today. I will update you tomorrow using the usual absence route.

Or:

J has reported that another pupil threatened them at lunch yesterday. They are currently safe at home. Please tell me who is addressing the report before we discuss today's attendance plan.

Ask one immediate question

If an agreed adjustment could make attendance possible, ask whether it is available:

Is the agreed reception entrance available, and who can meet M there?

Do not negotiate a complicated new timetable in the car park. If no existing arrangement works, say you need a later conversation with the appropriate attendance, pastoral or additional-needs contact.

Ask how absence or partial attendance will be recorded. The code and decision depend on the circumstances and the national system. Do not state that distress automatically authorises absence.

Record four facts afterwards

Write down:

1. what your child attempted;
2. what stopped the next step;
3. what support was offered;
4. what happened next.

Include a later arrival or one lesson attended. The record helps everyone see the route, not just the final attendance mark.

Send a short follow-up

Once the immediate pressure has passed, add context without writing an essay:

This is the third difficult arrival in two weeks. The other two followed late timetable changes. Could we compare what staff have noticed, check whether the agreed written timetable was available, and make a plan for arrival? Please name the person coordinating this and suggest a review date.

In England, current statutory guidance expects schools to listen to pupils and parents and work with them to understand and address attendance barriers ^[1]. Northern Ireland's Education Welfare Service similarly advises early notification, communication and investigation of school, home, medical and personal factors ^[2]. Procedures differ across the UK, so use the guidance where your child is educated.

The full guide on when your child cannot get through the school gate explains how to build the longer plan. For a short next-step overview, read what to do when your child cannot go to school.

A useful message is calm, factual and incomplete on purpose. It handles today and creates the next conversation without pretending the cause is already known.

Sources

1. Department for Education, Working together to improve school attendance
2. Education Authority Northern Ireland, Attendance, behaviour and welfare

Sources and further reading

1. [1] Department for Education. Working together to improve school attendance. Last updated 9 July 2026 (accessed 4 August 2026).
2. [2] Education Authority Northern Ireland. Attendance, behaviour and welfare (accessed 4 August 2026).