Difference or deficit? The words we use and how a child hears them

The short answer

Difference and difficulty can both be true. Autism and ADHD describe developmental differences, while a child may also experience substantial impairment, disability, pain or barriers that need support. Avoid describing the child as deficient, broken or disordered in ordinary conversation. Describe the specific function and context instead: 'Spoken instructions disappear before Maya can act on them,' or 'The lunch hall is painful and she cannot eat there.' Clinical reports may use terms such as symptoms, impairment or disorder because they serve a diagnostic purpose; explain those words and translate them into the child's life. Follow the child's terminology where possible. Respectful language should neither make difficulty shameful nor replace it with compulsory positivity.

• A developmental difference can create real impairment and meet disabling barriers.
• Describe the task, environment, effect and support rather than labelling the whole child.
• Clinical terminology has a purpose but should be explained, not used as a personality summary.
• The child's own language preference matters more than an adult slogan.
• Do not use strengths-based wording to weaken an accurate request for help.