How do I explain ADHD or autism to my child? A parent's guide by age

The short answer

Tell your child in clear language that matches what is known: 'The assessment found that you are autistic,' or 'The specialist found that you have ADHD.' Explain one or two ways this connects with their own life, including something that is hard and something important or enjoyable to them. Say what it does not mean: they did not cause it, it is not a punishment or an illness they caught, and the label does not predict their future. Give small amounts of information and expect the conversation to continue. Younger children may need concrete examples and repetition; older children and teenagers need more control over language, privacy and who is told. Do not promise they will feel relieved or proud. Make confusion, anger and no immediate response acceptable, answer honestly and return when they have another question.

• Use the actual word ADHD or autistic rather than letting the diagnosis become a family secret.
• Connect the explanation to the child's experience without making the label explain everything.
• Give information in small amounts and return to it as understanding and questions change.
• Let the child influence the words used and who else is told, especially as they get older.
• A difficult first reaction does not mean the conversation was a mistake.