How do we get through haircuts, dentists and other unavoidable appointments?

The short answer

Separate the task into arrival, waiting, communication, position, touch, sound, smell, equipment and finishing. Find the first point at which access breaks down and check for pain, illness or a frightening previous experience. Ask the barber, dentist or service what can change: a first or quieter slot, waiting elsewhere, seeing the room, one speaker, showing equipment before touch, a different position, a longer appointment, completing only the essential part, or returning in stages. Tell the child what must happen, which details they control and how a pause works. A stop signal needs a genuine agreed response, although a clinician may need to explain when an urgent procedure cannot pause safely. Do not hold a child through routine care just to finish it. Persistent dental, health or personal-care difficulty needs an individual plan from the relevant professional.

• Break the appointment into separate sensory, communication and practical stages.
• Check pain and health before treating refusal as a behaviour problem.
• Ask the provider for precise changes before the appointment.
• Give the child control over safe details and an honest pause signal.
• Distinguish routine care from urgent treatment that needs clinical planning.
• Record what worked so the next visit starts from reliable information.