How do I show school that my child is struggling when they seem fine in class?

The short answer

Do not try to win an argument about whether your child is fine or masking. Replace the verdict with comparable detail. Choose one lesson, transition or unstructured time and ask what the child is expected to do, how much prompting or imitation is involved, what work is produced and what happens immediately afterwards. Add the child's account and a short home record covering recovery, eating, sleep, communication or distress. Include easier days and note what support or demand was different. Different accounts do not prove a cause, but they can reveal hidden effort, delayed impact or a setting-specific barrier. Ask school to observe the exact situation, test one support change and review both school access and after-school cost.

• Replace words such as fine, coping and masking with specific access and effort questions.
• Keep the child's, school's and family's accounts separate before looking for a pattern.
• Record easier occasions as well as difficult ones.
• Look at prompting, imitation, participation, recovery and not only completed work.
• Agree a focused observation and a support trial rather than indefinite monitoring.
• Do not make the child display greater distress before adults take the impact seriously.