What do grandparents need to understand about my child?

The short answer

A grandparent does not need a complete course on autism or ADHD before spending useful time with your child. Begin with the child: how they show interest, answer questions, manage touch, cope with change, communicate distress and recover. Explain two or three patterns the grandparent is likely to meet and the action that helps. For example: give the visit plan beforehand, ask before hugging, use one instruction at a time and allow the child to leave the table without public comment. Make health, allergy, medication and immediate safety information explicit whenever the grandparent is responsible for care. Do not use the diagnosis to predict everything, and do not treat different behaviour with a grandparent as proof that the child or parent is exaggerating. The setting, demand, relationship and recovery may all differ. Let the grandparent build a relationship through an activity the child genuinely enjoys rather than demanding conventional conversation or affection. Protect the child's privacy and ask what they want shared where they can participate. A grandparent may have their own health, sensory or practical limits, so make requests specific and allow an honest no. Understanding is shown through changed behaviour, not perfect terminology.

• Explain this child's patterns and supports rather than a list of diagnostic traits.
• Make consent, communication and recovery part of the relationship.
• Give clear health and safety information when the grandparent takes responsibility.
• Do not compare behaviour across settings without comparing the conditions.
• Match the request to the grandparent's real capacity and role.