Why are transitions so hard for my child, and what helps?

The short answer

A transition is more than stopping one thing and starting another. A child may need to notice that an activity is ending, disengage from it, preserve what matters, tolerate an uncertain gap, move themselves and their belongings, work out the first action in the next activity and settle into a different set of demands. Difficulty at any point can look like refusal. Help by finding the exact part that breaks, making the ending clear, showing what happens in between and making the new beginning easy to enter. Give truthful notice of change, reduce unnecessary demands and keep necessary boundaries clear. A warning, timer or visual schedule is useful only if this child can understand and act on it. Judge support by whether transitions become more possible and recovery becomes easier, not by whether the child changes instantly or looks calm.

• A transition includes an ending, a crossing and a new beginning.
• Knowing both activities does not guarantee that a child can move between them.
• Look for the exact break point before choosing a timer, warning or visual support.
• Make known information visible and be honest about what is not yet known.
• Keep necessary limits clear while adapting timing, route, language and support.
• Do not use surprise or remove useful support simply to teach flexibility.