Why has everything become harder now my child is a teenager?

The short answer

The teenage years change several parts of life at once. Puberty may add unfamiliar body sensations and self-care tasks. Secondary school may demand more planning, independent work and social interpretation. Sleep timing, friendships, privacy and the wish for more control may change too. A teenager who managed last year can therefore need different support now without having lost all their skills or chosen to make family life difficult. Begin with the change you can observe: when it started, where it happens, what has become more demanding and what still goes well. Check pain, periods, sleep, eating, medication effects, anxiety, bullying and school pressure rather than assigning everything to hormones, autism, ADHD or attitude. Make one task easier, give meaningful control where it is safe, and keep boundaries precise. Step in promptly for immediate danger, abuse, exploitation, serious self-neglect or a marked decline in health or daily functioning. The aim is not to return your teenager to childhood. It is to update the support around the person they are becoming.

• Several demands can change at once during adolescence, so look for the specific pressure rather than one teenage explanation.
• A skill may still exist even when a busier environment, fatigue or stress makes it harder to use.
• Privacy, disagreement and a wish for more control can be part of growing up and do not automatically mean rejection or secrecy.
• Update support one task at a time and keep the teenager involved in decisions that affect them.
• Treat sudden or sustained changes in health, functioning or safety as information that needs attention.