Am I burned out, or am I failing as a parent?

The short answer

Failure is a verdict; exhaustion and reduced functioning are information. The word burnout is widely used for depletion associated with prolonged demands, but the World Health Organization's ICD-11 definition is specifically occupational and is not a medical diagnosis for family care. Do not use the label to rule out depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation, physical illness, medication effects or another health problem. Record what has changed: sleep, mood, appetite, concentration, patience, pain, enjoyment, care tasks and ability to function. Separate one difficult incident from a sustained pattern. Then examine the demand side: hours of supervision, interrupted nights, appointments, advocacy, work, money, absence of backup and systems that depend on you. Reduce immediate load, protect safety and basic health, and tell a GP about persistent or worsening symptoms. Ask services for changes stated in observable terms. You do not need to prove that you are a good parent before your health and the sustainability of the care plan can be assessed.

• Use burnout as an everyday description, not a diagnosis that explains every symptom.
• Record changes in health and functioning rather than judging your worth as a parent.
• Examine the care load and missing support as well as personal coping.
• Separate repair after an incident from the longer work of changing the pattern.
• Seek health assessment for persistent, worsening or concerning symptoms.