Why does my child cope at school and fall apart at home?

The short answer

School and home may see different but equally accurate parts of an autistic child's experience. A predictable timetable, copied peer cues, adult prompting or intense self-monitoring may help the child get through school while sensory, social and uncertainty load accumulates. Home may be the first place safe enough to stop holding everything together. This pattern is not proof of masking and can have other explanations, but it deserves investigation. Compare specific demands, support, effort and recovery across settings; reduce the school-day load where possible and protect a low-demand transition home.

• Different behaviour across settings does not mean one account is false.
• A calm appearance may depend on structure, prompting, copying or suppression.
• The cost of school may appear through exhaustion, withdrawal, physical symptoms or distress later.
• Masking is one possible mechanism, not a complete explanation for every child.
• Support should reduce the load before crisis rather than focus only on behaviour at home.