What is my child's behaviour telling me? A decoder for parents
A six-step method for describing one difficult moment, considering what contributed and testing one small change without jumping to a diagnosis.
The short answer
Begin with one incident after everyone has settled. First describe only what you saw and heard. Then record the ten minutes before it, possible physical, environmental, communication or task pressures, and what changed immediately afterwards. Add no more than two possible explanations and leave room for both to be wrong. Choose one small adjustment to the lead-up, setting or request and try it across ordinary occasions. Include moments that go well. The pattern may suggest what deserves further assessment, but it cannot diagnose a condition or reveal a child's intention. Ask the child what you have misunderstood and prioritise health and safety when the behaviour is new, severe or dangerous.
- Observation and interpretation belong in separate steps.
- What happens before and afterwards may be more informative than the peak behaviour.
- A hypothesis is a possibility to test, not a verdict about the child.
- Change one feature and review the whole effect.
- The child's account, physical health and safety can override an adult theory.
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