Behaviour as communication
Help with working out what happened before a difficult moment, what may have contributed and what to try next.
What you can find here
- Why is my child behaving like this?
- Could pain, tiredness, hunger or illness be contributing?
- Is the task, the environment or the way we communicated making this harder?
- What changed in the few minutes before it happened?
- How can I keep a boundary without making assumptions about my child?
Begin with the main Library article
Main Library article
Why is my child behaving like this? A parent's guide to reading behaviour
When a child's behaviour seems to make no sense, there is usually more going on than you can see. How to read it, find the pattern, and what may help.
More from the Library
Why does punishment make my child's behaviour worse?
Why punishment can add pressure without solving the reason for behaviour, and how to use safety limits, repair, teaching and proportionate consequences instead.
Written January 2026
When behaviour is doing the work of words
How to identify what a child may be communicating through behaviour and build a faster, safer message they can use when speech is not available.
Written January 2026
What is my child's behaviour telling me? A decoder for parents
A six-step method for describing one difficult moment, considering what contributed and testing one small change without jumping to a diagnosis.
Written January 2026
Is my child attention-seeking, or asking for connection?
How to understand behaviour that brings adult attention, identify the kind of connection a child needs and teach a safer, more reliable route to it.
Written January 2026
Is this defiance, or can my child not do it yet?
How to separate unwillingness from missing, overloaded or inconsistent skills, while keeping necessary expectations and safety limits clear.
Written January 2026
Is it my child or the setting? Spotting a mismatch between demands and needs
How noise, pace, language, uncertainty, social pressure and task design can make behaviour differ between settings, with practical ways to test the mismatch.
Written January 2026
How to hold boundaries without blame
A practical way to keep necessary limits clear, reduce shame and change the route when a child cannot meet an expectation as it is currently set.
Written January 2026
How do I find the pattern? Keeping a one-week behaviour log
A short, sustainable way to record difficult and easier moments for one week, test one explanation and bring useful evidence to school or health appointments.
Written January 2026
Could pain or illness be changing my child’s behaviour?
How to notice when behaviour may reflect pain or illness, gather useful observations and get help without expecting a child to explain everything in words.
Written January 2026
Quick answers from the Blog
Should I ignore the behaviour?
How to decide when a low-key response may help, what must never be ignored and how to stay available to the child without feeding a repeated sequence.
Written January 2026
What can I say when I do not know what is wrong?
Short, honest phrases for staying connected when a child is distressed and neither of you can yet explain why.
Written January 2026
Is my child manipulating me?
How to move from the label manipulating to a precise account of what a child is trying, learning or struggling to communicate.
Written January 2026